Firstly, I want to share some beautiful random photographs of the autumn season that I took with my phone.
I like taking pictures of small things I see wherever I go. I own 2 semi-professional cameras but whenever I don’t have them with me, I use my phone (I have an iphone 7 plus). And I love how the new camera phones take such good quality photographs. And I so love taking pictures that my phone is packed with pictures. I have, as of now, 10,718 on my camera roll. Oh my! I think I need to clean up very soon. Or at least back it up just in case, knock on wood, I lose or break my phone.
Isn’t nature beautiful?
Anyways, on with my story. As the spring season approached early this year, something happened. I came up against a brick wall. I struggled with my diabetes with complications and some other things. My blood sugar levels went high up and even though I take as much insulin it doesn’t seem to want to go down to normal. With the help from my physician, we tried different approaches to help me regulate my sugar levels. She told me that I couldn’t work for a while and I have to focus on being better. Health wise.
The first few months I thought it would be ok. I stayed home, avoided social contacts and events, tried to go to the gym and workout and stayed away from stress (yes, stress can actually affect diabetes).
Summer came and I suffered from severe influensa that lasted for almost a month. I had runny nose, itchy eyes and sneezing the whole day and night. I can barely sleep. My doctor found out that I also have allergies from birch, pollen, particular kind of nuts and fruits and even some animals including cats. My doctor knows that we have a cat at home but she promised me that we don’t need to get rid of our baby, Pepsi. I just need to take allergy tablets everyday and it will be fine.
It made me sad because I never had those allergies before. It took quite a while before the influensa settled down. Because I am diabetic, I have a weak immune system.
But there’s something worse that happened. I also lost my sense of smell and sense of taste. For 3 months now, I still couldn’t smell or taste anything. And this is what saddens and frustrates me most. I have done research and talked to my doctor about this. She sent (and still going to send) me to specialists to have a thorough check. I’ve listened to advices from friends and family. I tried to think positive and hoping to get it back. But still, nothing.
It’s now a struggle for me. I don’t know if I should just accept it as it is or still wait and hope for the best. I am crying inside. I don’t know what to do. This is the most important part for my work and everyday life. And I can’t lose it forever. I have a cake business and I couldn’t bake. I had orders this summer that I had to turn down because of this. I lost my desire to cook or bake or just eat. I eat now just so I can take my medications.
As time went by, I started to get more and more depressed because of everything that is happening to me. I never thought that I would feel like this. I like looking at life in a positive way. Always. I like being active and being sociable. I love seeing my friends and having a good laugh.
But instead, I started to sulk in a corner inside our home and be alone. I started gaining weight again. The clothes that I have bought when I slimmed down wouldn’t fit me anymore. I am starting to feel uncomfortable and I’m starting to have low self-esteem. My self confidence is going down and I’m feeling self conscious all the time. I feel like I am slowly loosing my feathers. People see me happy and they see me smile. But behind all this I am not 100% happy as of now. This is not good. I have to turn this around.
Now it’s autumn. I am still on sick leave but my blood sugar level is starting to go down. Hopefully by the end of this year I’ll have it back to normal. And hopefully I would get my sense of taste and smell back.
I have been on a very dark place with my sickness this past spring and summer. But as winter comes to a close, I am looking forward to things to cheer me up and make me think positive again. I’m glad that I still have my family, real friends and loved ones that stands close by me. And I am very thankful for that.
I may be crossing this bridge right now, but I can’t wait until I get to the other side…
This too, shall pass.